Father's Day without a Father

Father's Day is almost upon us.  The thankful Facebook posts depicting pictures of laughing fathers and kids are showering down my wall. The TV is filled with commercials informing me of what my Dad wants, what I should cook him, buy him, call him.

I try to tune it all out. I've done it for so long that sometimes I forget it could be a day for me to celebrate my own dad.

Some of us are missing fathers because of their death. Some of us have living fathers that we have no contact with.  I have both.  I had a father, who for his own choices, addictions, and pain, chose not to have contact with me until his death. I have a step-father who has chosen the same thing.

Two men, key men in my life, chose to treat me this way.  It seems like it would be incredible odds to be rejected twice. But then I remember the common thread, my mom married them both. Sometimes the cycle truly is not broken but simply plays out in a different way.

If I'm honest, I do feel a loss at Father's Day. Even the Facebook posts that talk about missing their father who have died can choke me up, because I don't have the same happy memories or experiences.

But, life is about choices. I didn't choose for my fathers to have this type of relationship with me. I would have loved nothing more than to give them a big hug, cook them their favorite dinner, and even buy them a tie. :)  Instead, I love them enough to have let them make their own choices, and to forgive (even if I don't understand, can't understand) why they were incapable of being true fathers.

My choice is to be thankful for the good fathers that I do have in my life. Number one being my husband. His love for our kids has taught me so much of what a father looks like, and I am blessed for my kids. He is amazing (I love you honey xo.)

I'm thankful for the fathers of my friend's kids. So many great role models, who've coached sports teams, worked hard, and still come home to take care of their families.

I'm thankful for the fathers who say their sorry when they do make a mistake. No one is perfect. Who take the time to say, "I love you. I'm proud of you."

I'm thankful for the moment when I realized that I did have a Father, God, who wanted me even when my earthly parents didn't, or couldn't. And it comforts me to realize that he wants my parents the same way.  Maybe because that's the only way I can see the cycle being broken in their life, and true happiness restored.

If Father's Day is a difficult day for you, no matter the reason, I just wanted to send out a hug. You aren't alone.  It's a weird day for a lot of people.  I hope this day brings new revelation and peace, if you need it.

Debit Machine

If the only words of affirmation you’ve heard today came from a debit machine “You are approved,”  then you've come to the right place.

I love reminding people of how awesome they are.   This might be hard for some of you to read. I get that. There was a time in my life where I was at a women’s retreat, and the speaker wanted everyone to sing, “Jesus loves me.” I. Could. Not. Do. It.  Even worse, I felt like an idiot sitting there in stony silence, struggling to hold in the shame and guilt while everyone else around me laughed at the silliness of singing a child’s song. The song undid me. I couldn’t even leave for the bathroom to pull myself together out of fear I’d catch someone’s eye on the way out and breaking down.

Over time  I became better equipped and was able to deflect the compliments with a laugh. It was still a protection.  But a protection against what?

Strangely, the good things that have been so hard for me to receive are so easy for me to see in other people. Are you the same way?  I'm working on being able to hear positive things about myself.  There are many things outside of us that comes against our value, and I think it's important we don't do it to ourselves as well. 

Why is it important to grasp it about ourselves? There is an old saying, "Treat others as you want to be treated." or again, "Love others as you love yourself."  I believe the way we see others is strongly influenced by the way we view ourselves. 

Is it easy for you to hear positive things about yourself?  Well, let's test it. :) Here's some positive things I feel about my readers, about You. And I mean them from the bottom of my heart.  So here it goes;

In case you haven’t heard it lately, You are really cool.  You’ve got talents that you don’t even realize you have. All the hopes of where you thought you’d be, and what you wanted to achieve is still possible, even if you don’t see a way at this time.  You've a lot to accomplish yet.

There is no one like you, and you are a vital piece of the puzzle.  The best example that is coming to me is colors.  There are millions of colors, each so important, each one adding to life. If you take one away, it will be missed, even if the color was subtle. That's how you are.

You are beautiful, amazing, deep, thoughtful, hilarious, brave, creative, and smart. You are stronger than you think.

Don’t measure your value on your success, or your perceived failures, or the mistakes you have made, or what someone has told you.  Don't measure your value based on the people around you. You are a fiery piece of humanity, and in my belief, made in God’s image.

I'm glad you're here, reading my blog. I'm honored!  I hope you have a great day.  :)


 

quick thought

Just a quick thought today;

One thing I’ve learned is that a person who’s suffered looks like everyone else. No matter how you feel, the word “broken” is not emblazoned on your forehead.  You aren’t weak, even if you feel it at times. Your story is important.  I respect you. Everyone has gone through something.

More importantly, it does get better.

(((((((((big hug to anyone who needs one)))))))))))))))))))))

More tomorrow!

Stopping Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a destructive habit I'm trying to break. Today on facebook, good ol' facebook, I read two posts on negative self-talk. One was the video where the women have to enter through either a door that says "Average," or "Beautiful."  If it makes you cringe to think of entering through the door marked, "Beautiful," you might be a victim of negative self-talk.

It's not the same as being humble. It's a constant dribble of background noise that says you don't measure up, you could have done it better. A constant examining, questioning, and judging yourself.

It's the complete opposite of conviction, instead has it's roots in condemnation. It brings fear, discouragement, unworthiness, and even shame.

The scary thing is that it's possible we don't realize how often we do this to ourselves. This type of talk is often quiet, running along in the back ground while we get ready for work, clean the house, talk with our friends, parent our children, and other daily activities. It's what compares us to others and proves how we have fallen short.

It rarely accomplishes anything to argue with negative self-talk, in fact it might encourage it more ie: "Why am I still battling this? How come I can't get over this? It's true anyway."

I have heard it said many times, "Fake it until you make it." I think one way to break this habit is to tell yourself the opposite, even if it doesn't feel true.

The way I personally battle it is with a thankful prayer. Sometimes I can't even say the opposite, but I can say, "You know God, I'm going to use this negative thought to remind me to pray for (whoever might be struggling at the time.) Just bless them God and let them know how special they are. Thank you for (making this incredible day, or whatever is around me at the moment I feel thankful for.) Thank you that I am changing every day. "  For some reason, praying for someone else really helps me to get out of my own head and negative feelings.

That might not work for everyone. I read that it can be helpful to write down every time you think negatively about yourself, just to bring an awareness to the habit. It might help others to use that moment to say, "I am good enough, even on my bad days."

If you ever battle with negative self-talk, you aren't alone. There isn't anything wrong with you. You are awesome and amazing and here for a purpose. It might take time to break that habit, but even in this bad habit, one day,  we have hope of seeing beauty for ashes.

Fear No More is published

Hi Everybody! After some grueling weeks, Fear No More is published! This book is near and dear to my heart because of all the brave quotes I was given from friends, and readers. I can't say enough about them.  And with that, the Ghost No More series is finished.

Wow.... I'm wondering what I'll write next! 

Thank you for all your support and encouragement. I love reading the notes, emails, and facebook messages.  They mean a lot to me!


~CeeCee James

http://www.amazon.com/Fear-No-More-Ghost-ebook/dp/B00VN8UNWS/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1428560628&sr=8-3&keywords=ghost+no+more

Hi Everyone! Don't give up on me. I'm in editing with my new book and have been super busy trying to get it done. I'm really excited about it and hope you all will like it!

Quick Post

I'm so sorry that I haven't posted for a while. I'm working on book 3, eeep! It's exciting and challenging, and I can barely multi-task making dinner and keeping up with the house in the meantime. Thank you all for your support! It means a lot!