Some thoughts about Christmas

Wow, isn't it incredible? I mean something to God. He knows who I am, this tiny speck of a person, who lives on a tiny blue speck spinning in blackness. He knows my thoughts and fears, talents, hopes and dreams, and he cares.

I talk to him a lot at  night. It's in the darkness that I feel the smallest and my anxieties and questions the loudest. What I love about him is that I can come with every question and thought and he accepts me.  That's a big thing to realize, I don't have to be fake for him to love me.

Somehow, in the midst of every fear I've struggled with, he has brought peace.

When I look up at the stars the vastness of the universe overwhelms me; seriously. My husband can look at them for hours and feel inspired. They make me feel small.  But it was with a star that God highlighted the message brought by the angel,"Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.…"

Don't you love how God always reminds us of that? "Don't be afraid. I've come to take away your fears, and replace them with my perfect love." He knows us, gets that we worry and have fears. He knows that fear robs our peace, and wants to remind us He cares about us.

Today I read a beautiful thought;

Know that you were formed by God's hands, dreamed in his heart and place in this world for a purpose.

Hope you all have a good weekend as we move closer to celebrating the day that he came to take away our fear, and show us his love.

Old/New Post

Can I cheat a little bit? I wrote a post at the beginning of the year that's close to my heart, and I wanted to share it again. Especially with the end of the year approaching, and New Year's resolutions staring us in the face.

Sometimes, do you ever feel like you are circling around and around the same mountain? Like you think you were making progress, only to be dragged back into it again? “hey, been here done that…”

One thing I’ve discovered is that nearly everyone goes through this. You most certainly aren’t alone.  

I have felt that way more times then I can tell you.  I will battle something down, and revel in that small thrill of victory… and then bam! It comes flying back into my lap for me to deal with again. I felt like a failure, and wonder why can’t I get passed this (over-come it, deal with it whatever the situation is.)

Certain “mountains” seem more condemning than others if I feel like I don’t have success with it. It used to bother me before that I was still dealing with issues from my childhood memories.  I grew up with being told that what’s happened is done, pick yourself up and brush yourself off. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  You can’t blame everything on your parents.

All those things are true, and yet they aren’t absolute.  I can’t blame everything on my parents. I have my own free will now. I don’t want to live a life as a victim.

I also am not a book; turn the page and the story moves on.  Sometimes what feels like going around the mountain is really just dealing with the same situation at a different level.

That sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But it’s easier to say “What’s wrong with me that I can’t get passed this?” then to take a minute and say, “Wow, I am recognizing things a little differently here.  I have made steps, even if they seem small compared to the emotions I’m facing right now.”

Whenever I face my mountain again, it’s my time to trot out what I have learned. It’s my time to speak the truth to the mountain, despite what my emotions are feeling. The things I speak are-

1)    God got me this far, he’s going to get me the rest of the way.

2)    Despite how I feel, I am deeply loved, even if the only one I can count is God- He’s not angry with me. He will never leave me.

3)    I have not failed, I am still learning.

4)    This moment will pass.

5)There will be beauty from ashes from this situation.

 Maybe you are facing a mountain today, or feel like you’ve gone around it before.  Hang in there.  You are making progress, even if you don’t see it. It will get better. I am a firm believer that we get to encourage others from the strength and encouragement we gain as we face our mountains.  Even if you feel weak now, one day you will be encouraging someone else!

Sale!

Hi Everyone! Just a quick note today to say that Lost No More, the sequel to Ghost No More (my own personal story), is on sale for .99 on Amazon for the next few days! Thank you so much for your support. I respond to every note and email and I appreciate them so much. You all encourage me as much as I'd hope to encourage you! :)

Have a great day. Weekend is almost here!
Here's some links if you want to check them out. Thank you again!

http://www.amazon.com/Lost-No-More-Ghost-Book-ebook/dp/B00MDLKWGQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1417680431&sr=8-2&keywords=ghost+no+more


http://www.amazon.com/Ghost-No-More-Series-Book-ebook/dp/B00IJ0AKRQ/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=02NWG6Z29TC48S1D92PP

Sharing my heart.....

Hi everybody! I had an amazing weekend so far. I had a wonderful opportunity to speak at a women's event today. This message is so important to me, I wanted to share it with you all too.

It’s just some simple truths.   Truth is precious and often we disregard it about ourselves.

 I want to tell you that you are valuable

This burns in my heart so strongly. I feel like I’m saying this personally to each one of you.

You are valuable.

You are needed.

You are important, and vital.

You may have heard opposite in your life.

From parents, the media, from your family, or peers

You aren’t the negative things that anyone has ever said about you.

We don’t realize sometimes how those negative words are spinning around in the background of our mind.

Influencing how we think about ourselves.

There was a time I thought I had ugly hair, because someone once told me that.

Every time I'd look in the mirror I'd feel like, "Meh..."

My husband thought for a long time that he couldn’t read well because his teacher told him  once when he was little.

that wasn’t true.

You are valuable.

You may have even told yourself the opposite.

Maybe even today.

You may walk around doubting yourself, wondering things like

“Why’d I say that? Why’d I do that? How come I’m not like everyone else?

How come they have it together, and I don’t”

Maybe never feeling good enough.

But this is the truth.

You are valuable.

We need you,

this world needs you.

You, just as you are.

You may be searching for that special  gift that you bring,

Wondering, what is it? What do I have that makes me different from everyone else?

Because you don’t see it in yourself.

But we see it.

Its you being you.

You don’t have to work at being good enough,

You don’t have to work at getting it right to be needed.

You get to be just who you are.

Because the way you are made automatically blesses the people around you

You are put together uniquely in such a way,

That You being You is what makes you the most happy

and brings the most to the people around you.

You’re a piece of the puzzle

That we need for the picture.

We all know what it’s like to put together a puzzle

And right in the center there’s that one missing piece.

No other piece is going to fit in that spot.

And the picture isn't finished without it.

Each piece is uniquely made

Just as we are,

So that we can fit together.

Yes, you might fall down

You might only see your failures, and  the ways you could do it better

You might feel like you’re trying as hard as you can to get it right

To be a good person

You might feel like you are going around and around the mountain trying to overcome the

stumbling block, or whatever it is that you are battling your life

And you might feel like you aren’t making progress.

I just want you to know I care.

I get it.

I've been there!

And remind you this life isn’t about arriving, it’s about the journey

Even though you can’t see it, you are making progress,

You will make it.

Going up the side of a mountain is about switchbacks,

Not going straight up.

God is with you, he hears you. He knows you.

He values you.

He’s glad you are here, and that he made you.

He’s glad you’re YOU.

He doesn’t want it any other way.

You haven’t failed him.

He understands we are made of dust.

He gets it

Gets us

He understands our fears

He knows what makes you tick, and why you think the way you do.

He has a plan to rescue us and bring beauty from the very ashes we see around us today.

You are beautiful, right now.

You aren’t the words you say to yourself

You are wanted, and desired.

Pleasing

You make God happy

And where you see failure and lack

Where you see you’re not good enough

He sees you full of promise, and a little girl with a tender heart.

He loves you

He adores you

He’s so glad you are here.

And every time you reach for his hand, every time

You make him smile.

He will never let go of your hand

Never

Not because He is God and he has to be there for you,

But because he doesn’t want to let go

Doesn’t want to let go of his precious girl

He will never lose you, never forsake you, always fight for you,

He will stand with you with every battle you are in

and face it with you.

You will never be alone.

He will rejoice over your with triumph.

And wrap you in his love.

This is what God says about his children

Song of Solomon 4:7   You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

And for the part of us that wants to point out our flaws, there’s this scripture

Hebrews 10: 14 For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

Your flaws don’t scare God.

There is a banner you wear above you every day.

Loved,

Wanted,

Beautiful

Valuable

Perfect forever

Being made Holy

It’s not a feeling

It’s a truth.

It’s time that we remind ourselves of the truth Whether we feel it’s true or not.

Truth isn’t a feeling.

2+2=4 doesn’t make me happy

Or sad.

Truth isn’t an emotion.

It’s just truth.

Hang on to the truth

Hang on to the banner over your head.

Hang on to God’s hand.

Be kind to yourself in your thoughts.

Watch for the negative things you might say,

And remind yourself what God says about you.

Remember

You are valuable.

Just the way you are made.

Survivor- One step at a time

I don't know how many of you watch, or follow Honey Boo-Boo. This TV show has been in the news recently because of the topic of sexual abuse.

It's stirred things up in me. I wanted to address this personal topic, even though it's scary for me to share.

Having survived and healed from sexual abuse myself, it breaks my heart whenever I hear about anyone else going through it.  For me, it was one of the darkest, most confusing roads I've been on emotionally. I felt like it was my fault. I had no one to turn to. I felt broken, like something was wrong with me.

I think one of the worse parts of this type of abuse is when no one steps in to protect the victim. This seems like it happens in many ways. In my case, my mom told me it didn't happen, it was my fault, and then went out of her way to leave me alone with him from that point on.

In my friend's case, she was told to forgive and forget.

In another friend's case, she kept silent because she feared it would destroy her family.

I kept it silent too, from the rest of the family except for my parents. I thought I was protecting the family. That is a hard secret to keep.

I don't know if this will help anyone, but there is a Christian support group that deals with sexual abuse. There aren't any cliché pat answers given at this site. It's real people dealing with real thoughts and triggers. http://www.christiansurvivors.com/forums/

Even if you've heard it a thousand times, let me tell you again....
It wasn't your fault. You are beautiful, inside and out.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I know this is hard.
You are strong. You Will Get through this.
You aren't alone. I don't have all the answers, and words seem puny in the face of this pain, but I care.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

A letter~

I just wrote my kids a letter, and want to share it with you. If you've never had a parent say this to you, I'm saying it to you! :) Have a good day!~

A reminder to my kids: You four are such a blessing to me. I remember your first smiles, your first steps, and how, even as youngsters, you seemed to walk through life slowly to appreciate the wonder.

One thing became pretty clear early on; you’re your own person. With your own strengths, dreams, hopes, and struggles.

I want to remind you that you are “fearfully and wonderfully,” uniquely made. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to fix ourselves and “do it the right wa...y.” Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you’ll feel like you can never get it right. Take a deep breath. It’s okay to not have it all figured out and just take life one step at a time. It’s okay to look messy at times.
 
Condemnation will always look for an opportunity to tell you that you’ve failed. But I want to tell you that you’re qualified for this journey, and remind you that the things you see as weaknesses in yourself are some of your greatest attributes. Sometimes we might need a little balance in those areas. That’s not failure, that’s being human. I’m pretty wobbly myself at times, and am convinced it takes a lifetime to learn that balancing act.

Remember, it’s not other people’s opinions that qualify you. The one who calls you HIS does.
One thing I’m learning is that the more we realize how much God loves us, the more it will push back the fear that wants to knock us down.

God has given us this incredible gift and adventure in life to experience and share joy, hope and growth. I’m so glad we get to share it together. You might not see the impact you have today, but it’s there, just by being YOU. The things that you do that add to this world come natural to you- it’s just the way you are made.
I’m so glad you are here. I love you!
Love, your mother who is still learning

My Book- Ghost No More- Thank you so much!

Hi everyone. *sets out a plate of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies*  :) I know it's been a while! This last month has felt a bit like treading water for me. Lots of good and some confusion.

Writing my hubby's book really helped me put some distance between me and my past that I didn't realize I needed.  After having to pull all of those memories out of me I guess I was kind of stuck with them.  But even that was good, because some how writing them out diffused the pain.

I wrote the book to help other people, but now I can see how much it's helped me. If you've ever thought about writing out your past, I encourage you to do it, if this is the right time and season. :)  There's no rush, if this isn't the right season.

I remember being scared to write Ghost No More out because I felt like I wasn't being forgiving. But finally I realized, it's just the truth, as best as I can tell it, not a blame game.

I was scared to face the trauma, from one end to the other. It was so difficult to write out. Of course, I'd shared bits and pieces with my friends through the years, but not all at once, not like this. Even when I shared with my friends, somehow I distanced myself from it, almost as if I were talking about someone else.

I was scared to feel the memories.

I was also scared to have it on my computer, in case my kids should for some reason stumble upon it.

My last fear stemmed from: "Don't tell anyone the family secret." I am a grown woman, and I had No idea how deeply rooted that rule was inside of me until the week before I published.  Huge shame and fear hit me. 
Most authors are happy when they publish.

I cried.

But now, blessed freedom!

So now I am wondering what I should do next. Just sort of spinning my wheels, thinking, and praying. Oh, and quilting. LOL I am sewing a quilt that I have thus far feel like I've sewn twice because of all the seams I've had to rip out.

Just want to say thank you for reading this journal, and sharing with me this part of my journey. I hope all is good in your world, and you are continuing to see beauty from your ashes.

((((((((((((((((big hugs to anyone who needs one)))))))))))))))))
~CeeCee