Good morning! Wow I am sooo ready for winter to be over. Come on Spring!! Costco had a vase of tulip bulbs, and I splurged and bought it for my kitchen table.  They are pink and white, so lovely!

In the meantime my car windows are frozen over and need to be scraped. UGH Still, it's not as bad here as it in the other states. This has been the winter of SNOW!

In other news, I mentioned a scripture a few weeks back that really encouraged me. For a long time I didn't feel like I "fit in" with everyone else. I felt like I was less than everyone, or had trouble connecting with people. In my mind everyone else had it together more than I did. So I searched up the scripture, and here it is;

1 Corinthians 1:27

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.

Even if I didn't feel worth it God chose me. He values us even when we don't see our value. There is someone out there who loves us even when we feel unlovable, or  feel like we don't fit in.

He gets us.

He understands what makes us tick.

And he made a choice. ~Us~

Hope you have a good week. *Big hug to those who need it!*

Wow, it's been a crazy week! As things calm down for me I am enjoying hearing the feedback. One reader told me about some of their family problems. I was reminded that family estrangement isn't always between parent and child, but sometimes between siblings.

And it hurts.

I wish I knew how to help with that. In my own experiences I've learned that the estrangement/problem isn't a choice of mine. The situation is a result of their choice. And there is nothing I can do to fix it. We are held, in some ways, at the mercy of their choices, but we are the ones grieving the loss.

It may never feel "okay," inside of us, even as we have to move on. It's important to acknowledge our feelings, and our loss. And to make sure we aren't feeling guilty.

It's important to let them take ownership of their own choices.

There is beauty that can come from these ashes. It might not be a lot, but it will show itself at some point.

(((((((((((big hug to those who need it)))))))))))))))))))))

Today is a day of choices

Today I choose not to listen to the inner voice

That says I can’t do it

What’s wrong with me?

Everyone else can do it, why can’t I?

 

Today is a day of choices.

Today I choose to take a minute

Take the focus off of myself

To look for the beauty

Instead of the ashes

I’ll get it done.

Sometimes, do you ever feel like you are circling around and around the same mountain? Like you think you were making progress, only to be dragged back into it again? “hey, been here done that…”

One thing I’ve discovered is that nearly everyone goes through this. You most certainly aren’t alone.  

I have felt that way more times then I can tell you.  I will battle something down, and revel in that small thrill of victory… and then bam! It comes flying back into my lap for me to deal with again. I felt like a failure, and wonder why can’t I get passed this (over-come it, deal with it whatever the situation is.)

Certain “mountains” seem more condemning than others if I feel like I don’t have success with it. It used to bother me before that I was still dealing with issues from my childhood memories.  I grew up with being told that what’s happened is done, pick yourself up and brush yourself off. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  You can’t blame everything on your parents.

All those things are true, and yet they aren’t absolute.  I can’t blame everything on my parents. I have my own free will now. I don’t want to live a life as a victim.

I also am not a book; turn the page and the story moves on.  Sometimes what feels like going around the mountain is really just dealing with the same situation at a different level.

That sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But it’s easier to say “What’s wrong with me that I can’t get passed this?” then to take a minute and say, “Wow, I am recognizing things a little differently here.  I have made steps, even if they seem small compared to the emotions I’m facing right now.”

Whenever I face my mountain again, it’s my time to trot out what I have learned. It’s my time to speak the truth to the mountain, despite what my emotions are feeling. The things I speak are-

1)    God got me this far, he’s going to get me the rest of the way.

2)    Despite how I feel, I am deeply loved, even if the only one I can count is God- He’s not angry with me. He will never leave me.

3)    I have not failed, I am still learning.

4)    This moment will pass.

5)There will be beauty from ashes from this situation.

 Maybe you are facing a mountain today, or feel like you’ve gone around it before.  Hang in there.  You are making progress, even if you don’t see it. It will get better. I am a firm believer that we get to encourage others from the strength and encouragement we gain as we face our mountains.  Even if you feel weak now, one day you will be encouraging someone else!

There is a scripture that talks about how God chose the despised and lowly things in this life, the things not wanted. That’s definitely what happened to me. He gave me value where I had been brainwashed to believe I had no value. He showed me love when I was convinced I didn’t deserve it. He found me, even though I wasn’t even looking for him at the time.

He loves you the same way.  You are his joy.  He’s not angry with you, and you haven’t failed. Even when we know God loves us, sometimes it’s still hard to believe he thinks good things about us because we know ourselves so well.

You are loved, and you rock! Have an amazing day.

 Hi ya! Is it a football weekend where you're at? I love football, but I'm not sure if it's the game or the snacks or the cheering people I'm with that I like best lol.

They say that the football players really rely on their fans to motivate them. So today I'm going to be your fan! Even if it sounds cheesy (and I'm known for that) this is totally sincere. :)

I believe in you!!
You can do it!
You totally rock!
You are unique! And in a good way! lol
You make a difference. :)


Have a good day.  ((((((big hug to any who need it)))))

Just in case you haven’t heard it today, you are remarkable!

So child abuse recovery isn’t something I think about every day, but it’s what my blog is about. So I’ll talk about it a lot here. J 

There were two reoccurring feelings I’ve had as an adult that resulted from the abuse. 

The first was feeling very very alone in my experiences, as though no one could relate or understand me. Sometimes, I felt such deep pain, but there was so much back story in order to explain the emotions that it was too much work to tell anyone. Sometimes I didn’t understand the pain myself.

The second was doubt the abuse happened. I’ve always been reluctant to label what I went through as child abuse, because I didn’t want to think that about my family.  I never wanted to talk about it because it felt disloyal. I loved them. It was actually easier to think it was me than it was to think it was them. If it’s me, then I have some type of control over it. I can be good enough to make it stop. I can do it right so it won’t happen anymore.

That thought continued as an adult. I tolerated behavior and comments, thinking I was giving grace, when really I was being the same compliant child I had always been. I still walked on eggshells, trying not to rock the boat. I was still operating under the old rule, “To resist or say anything makes their actions (punishment) worse.”

I’m not saying my parents, or anyone’s parents are bad people.  Usually they are good people who are hurting people. But, just because they are good people, doesn’t mean we have to deny the hurt they caused.

The greatest thing in the world would be if they apologized.  As their kids, we don’t need them to grovel or beg for forgiveness. We just need that small recognition that they hurt us, and they wish they hadn’t. It’s amazing what a gift that acknowledgement really is.

This blog is dedicated to all the people out there who felt they didn’t have a voice growing up. It’s to support anyone who is hurting now. We may not get that acknowledgement. We may have to forgive without an apology, so that we can live free. And maybe this blog can support someone who is trying to do that now. ***big hugs for those who need them**** Until tomorrow then J

Today is a new day, full of possibilities to see some beauty. And you are here reading this blog. J Let me stop writing for a sec to tell you that you are Ahhhmazing!! Ok, on to my new thoughts for the day…

So, I was thinking about this last night… how do I define child abuse? There is physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, but for me, the bottom line is how it makes the child feel.  The emotional fall out from child abuse are feelings of feeling unworthy, unloved, abandoned, tossed away, betrayed, a disappointment, scared, a failure, just trying to survive, helpless to make it better or escape, and hopelessness.

For me, recovery of child abuse is learning to live, not with those emotions, but without them. Which is a miracle in itself because they were such a big part of me.

I don’t know how other child abuse survivors do it, or how long it takes them to heal.  Not many people talk about it, we all go on with our lives. Which is a good thing!   I was rescued by God. I don’t know how to talk about God on a blog without sounding preachy, but I don’t mean it that way. It’s the simplest way to say how I learned I was loved, and it’s true.

Recovery for me has had its own fall out- having to have boundaries with my family, and the resulting cutting off of the relationship. I wonder how many other people are like me, who are cut off from their families.

So I am here today spreading the word- no matter where you are in dealing with your past, there are people who can relate with you and how you are feeling. You aren’t alone. Have a good day! *big hugs if you need one*

 

 

Good morning! Beautiful sunny day today. Yesterday I watched  The Secret Life of Mitty... it was a pretty good flick. I liked  the movie, but was the message that he gained value after he had all those adventures? Maybe I missed the message.

Ok, for something personal... I cried at the volcano scene. LOL I am kind of a dork and cry at everything. Truth is, my mom ran from me when I was a little kid in a car fire. I chased after her. She always told me she would never have come back from me. So when Mitty says "you came back for me," it just choked me up.

Laying my head on my husbands shoulder while watching the movie gave me beauty from ashes from that memory. I am blessed to have known love.