Friday, June 19, 2015

Father's Day without a Father

Father's Day is almost upon us.  The thankful Facebook posts depicting pictures of laughing fathers and kids are showering down my wall. The TV is filled with commercials informing me of what my Dad wants, what I should cook him, buy him, call him.

I try to tune it all out. I've done it for so long that sometimes I forget it could be a day for me to celebrate my own dad.

Some of us are missing fathers because of their death. Some of us have living fathers that we have no contact with.  I have both.  I had a father, who for his own choices, addictions, and pain, chose not to have contact with me until his death. I have a step-father who has chosen the same thing.

Two men, key men in my life, chose to treat me this way.  It seems like it would be incredible odds to be rejected twice. But then I remember the common thread, my mom married them both. Sometimes the cycle truly is not broken but simply plays out in a different way.

If I'm honest, I do feel a loss at Father's Day. Even the Facebook posts that talk about missing their father who have died can choke me up, because I don't have the same happy memories or experiences.

But, life is about choices. I didn't choose for my fathers to have this type of relationship with me. I would have loved nothing more than to give them a big hug, cook them their favorite dinner, and even buy them a tie. :)  Instead, I love them enough to have let them make their own choices, and to forgive (even if I don't understand, can't understand) why they were incapable of being true fathers.

My choice is to be thankful for the good fathers that I do have in my life. Number one being my husband. His love for our kids has taught me so much of what a father looks like, and I am blessed for my kids. He is amazing (I love you honey xo.)

I'm thankful for the fathers of my friend's kids. So many great role models, who've coached sports teams, worked hard, and still come home to take care of their families.

I'm thankful for the fathers who say their sorry when they do make a mistake. No one is perfect. Who take the time to say, "I love you. I'm proud of you."

I'm thankful for the moment when I realized that I did have a Father, God, who wanted me even when my earthly parents didn't, or couldn't. And it comforts me to realize that he wants my parents the same way.  Maybe because that's the only way I can see the cycle being broken in their life, and true happiness restored.

If Father's Day is a difficult day for you, no matter the reason, I just wanted to send out a hug. You aren't alone.  It's a weird day for a lot of people.  I hope this day brings new revelation and peace, if you need it.