Unexpected Pain

Have you ever felt like your emotions betrayed you?  That happened to me tonight. I was in a chat room with some other authors, happily chatting about the Golden Globes, when the emotional gates unleashed. What was the trigger? Taxes, the word taxes.

It triggered a load of grief about my Dad's death, a load I didn't even know was there.

In about 30 seconds flat I went from a smile to my face to tears puddling, mascara smeared, 'quick grab a tissue' mess. My husband came around the corner and stopped short at the sight. "What in the world happened?" he asked.

I had a lump in my throat and I couldn't even answer. I just shook my head, accepted his hug, and went back to furiously typing to the anonymous people at the other end of the keyboard.  I was half ashamed, half relieved to be sharing the emotions. The relief came as they all began to share their experiences with pain. I wasn't alone.

Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings. It's a relief to know that other people understand and care. I don't know if my emotions let lose because I felt there was a safety in sharing with people I really don't know, or if it was just that I had the pain stopped up for so long it was ready to burst.

If anyone who is reading this feels alone right now, for one reason or another, I want you to know I care. I really do.  You can message me, and I'll listen. You aren't alone. People can relate to your pain. Whether it's old pain, deep pain, or a recent pain from a fight with a spouse or friend, people can relate.  I promise that no matter what is going on in your life, someone out there can relate. You aren't alone.

And if you are feeling like it's too private or no one will understand, I promise there is one who does. God gets you, he understands what makes you tick, and why you think and feel the way you do. You don't have to explain it all to him. You can just go and tell him you don't know how to fix the pain. He might send you to a group of anonymous people like he did me, just to remind me that we aren't so different from one another after all.

(((((((((((((((big hug for anyone who might need one))))))))))))))))))))

Grab those negative thoughts

I love it when God talks to me. I've been struggling with some doldrums for a while, and slowly he's been pulling me out. Yesterday he pointed out some habits I have about the way I think about myself. It's amazing how sneaky critical thinking speaks to me. But I'm so used to it I never question the negative thoughts.  I'm going to try and give examples, because I don't have it all the way figured out yet.

In an attempt to get myself out of the doldrums I've decided to exercise. Anyone who knows me knows I Hate to exercise.  I'd hardly finished the section on the exercise DVD when I started to criticize myself.... "That wasn't so hard. Why don't you do it more often?" It doesn't sound like much, but that thought alone immediately made me feel like I'd failed.

God highlighted that thought process for me, with another thought, "You don't have to accept this. You didn't do anything wrong. You can be pleased with what you did." Okay, he didn't say it to me in that many words, it was more of a lighting fast impression. But in that second, He got to the root of the problem quicker than I could figure out, and gave me a tool to deal with it.

So today I've been trying to be more cognizant of the thoughts I think after I accomplish something. Usually the thought admonishes me. I tell it, "No, I did fine." I know this must sound silly, it kind of does to me just typing it out. But, by writing it on this blog I'm reminding myself to keep fighting the fight against condemnation.

Here ends today's post. Remember, God made you YOU for a reason. You are good enough, even on your bad days. (((((((((Big hug in case you need one today :) ))))))))))))))))))))