Sunday, January 11, 2015

Unexpected Pain

Have you ever felt like your emotions betrayed you?  That happened to me tonight. I was in a chat room with some other authors, happily chatting about the Golden Globes, when the emotional gates unleashed. What was the trigger? Taxes, the word taxes.

It triggered a load of grief about my Dad's death, a load I didn't even know was there.

In about 30 seconds flat I went from a smile to my face to tears puddling, mascara smeared, 'quick grab a tissue' mess. My husband came around the corner and stopped short at the sight. "What in the world happened?" he asked.

I had a lump in my throat and I couldn't even answer. I just shook my head, accepted his hug, and went back to furiously typing to the anonymous people at the other end of the keyboard.  I was half ashamed, half relieved to be sharing the emotions. The relief came as they all began to share their experiences with pain. I wasn't alone.

Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings. It's a relief to know that other people understand and care. I don't know if my emotions let lose because I felt there was a safety in sharing with people I really don't know, or if it was just that I had the pain stopped up for so long it was ready to burst.

If anyone who is reading this feels alone right now, for one reason or another, I want you to know I care. I really do.  You can message me, and I'll listen. You aren't alone. People can relate to your pain. Whether it's old pain, deep pain, or a recent pain from a fight with a spouse or friend, people can relate.  I promise that no matter what is going on in your life, someone out there can relate. You aren't alone.

And if you are feeling like it's too private or no one will understand, I promise there is one who does. God gets you, he understands what makes you tick, and why you think and feel the way you do. You don't have to explain it all to him. You can just go and tell him you don't know how to fix the pain. He might send you to a group of anonymous people like he did me, just to remind me that we aren't so different from one another after all.

(((((((((((((((big hug for anyone who might need one))))))))))))))))))))