New Book

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Do you have plans? Mine are pretty simple this year. We are going to watch the town's firework display from the back hatch of the car. Maybe I'll buy a sparkler. LOL

In other news, I've been writing like crazy and my sequel is going great. It's going through editing right now. Editing can be a bear, but there is a tentative date to publish in August! Wooohoooo! I am really excited about this one. Hope you all like it!

To break up my writing (aka sitting all day) I thought I'd clean the carpet.  Our cleaner recently broke, so I decided to use this powder you scrub in the carpet. OH MY gosh..... It took 2 hours to scrub the carpet. By the time I vacuumed I hardly cared any more if it was clean or not.

It turned out okay.... I don't recommend it.

Well, that's my  news for today. Have a safe Independence Day!

Some Phone Number Resources

Today I am sad. I was reading a forum filled with story after story of adults still suffering from the effects of abuse. It breaks my heart to hear how much long-term pain is caused by someone else's choice. I wish I had answers, or a magic wand to take the pain away.

All I can say is, you aren't alone.

I can easily imagine people saying, "Where was God when this happened?" I don't have an answer for that.  All I have is my story, what's happened to me and what I've experienced.

Since I've turned 17 it's been a fight to be healed, to live a normal life, to get over the pain and effects of what happened. I may always carry the scars on me. Even physically, I have a burn scar and my jaw isn't normal. Emotionally, I still have to fight fear.

But, I've seen enough beauty from my ashes to expect to see more beauty.  I know it can feel like the tide will never turn, but it is. Sometimes it's hard to tell just when the ocean tide begins to recede. You can stand on the beach and wonder, is the tide going in or out? Sometimes it's slow.

I can't say it enough... YOU are a blessing. I'm glad you're here.

God loves you. You are unique. He has a plan to bring you hope and a future.

I know my posts might not be very helpful, but they are from my heart. I'm not a professional, and can't give any advice that way. Here are a few other resources I've found. You are worth the fight for happiness.

United States Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

 

Deaf hotline - 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) - 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)af hotline - 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

Shout-Out to one of my favorite books!

Hey, Happy Friday! Hope you all have a relaxing weekend coming up!

I was talking with a young man today about some discouragement he is going through. It reminded me of how many people struggle with feeling condemned. That crappy feeling makes us feel we will never "get there." "Why would God love me anyway? I don't do anything right?"

So, without further ado, here is one of my favorite books. It's called He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not 

http://www.amazon.com/He-Loves-Me-Learning-Affection-ebook/dp/B001FB20S8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403286226&sr=1-1&keywords=he+loves+me+he+loves+me+not

I really appreciated this book. It reminded me that I'm not alone in the way I feel. People all around me are struggling with the same stuff, even if they don't show it.  We all mess up. Every single day. It's part of being human.

This book talks about the cycle condemnation puts us through. One minute everything is good in life, God loves us, we are doing ok... and the next, Bam! We feel like we failed, we did something that is unfixable, or we ruined something.

If you feel like this, ((((((((((((((((((Big hug))))))))))))))))))))) You aren't alone. God loves you so much. He has a plan to bring beauty even out of this. It's going to work out. You're going to be okay.

Check out the book! I think you can read a good sample right on your computer if you click the cover. Have a good weekend!

You are important

Fathers day is a special, weird, amazing day. For those of you who are fathers, whether young, old,  step, adopted, mentor, near or far... Happy Fathers Day.

It's a strange day for those of us who have weird issues with our dads. I miss my dad, who died before he reconciled with me. He'd disowned me at one point, and that really sucked.  I had to realize it was his issues... if it were up to me we would have had a great relationship. I'm not trying to disrespect him when I share this. My parents had divorced when I was young. My dad disowned me over a misunderstanding over a time I, now an adult, planned to come over for a visit. 

Hurting people hurt people. I've heard that saying many times, and felt the pain from that truth.

You know, I wrote my story for a few reasons. I wrote it to validate everyone out there who had a painful upbringing.  If I could, I'd give every one who was hurt in their past a big hug, and tell them they are valuable. I know that feeling of not knowing how to categorize a sucky childhood that left a negative impact on me that took years to get over. I know that struggle. I want other people who've gone through similar pain to know they are worth the struggle to heal.

I wrote it for another reason too. I was unwanted, and I can't help but share how God saved me. I don't say this to invalidate anyone's beliefs. I feel compelled to share it because it's how I became whole again. I was unwanted by both of my parents. I felt orphaned as an adult. God gave me a new name- precious, wanted, planned for daughter. Suddenly, I had a father. Those words changed my life.

No matter where you are in life, I'm glad you're here.

Ok, phew. Well, here are a few of my favorite, validating words....

 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
2 Cor 6:18

For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you

1Thes 1:4

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.

John 3:16-17

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
(Abba means Daddy)

Romans 9:4



No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39
 

Sexual Abuse Awareness

My friend, Leslie said this the other day- " Considering awareness...breast cancer affects 1 in 8 women, depression affects 1 in 4, and sexual abuse/rape 1 in 3. I think it is time for more awareness about what a serious problem sexual assault and rape are."
I'm desperate for the healing of all three. I'm also reminded that it's not always about the event that happened, it's the deep wounds it leaves behind. This is my small attempt at bringing awareness.

There is no shame, and it wasn't your fault. You aren't alone. (((((((Big hug to anyone who needs it)))))))

I am a member of this blog- if it can help anyone...http://www.christiansurvivors.com/forums/

Fear is the Memory of Pain

Today I read a great thought- Fear is the memory of pain.

What do you think of that? I can easily see how my fear is connected to my memories of past pain. So the next question is, how do I over-come that fear?

I've heard that some fear is good; don't touch the stove or you will get burned. But is it possible that even that fear is a trap? Like maybe it would be better to call that learned wisdom, instead of fear.

Because fear for me always has a negative effect on me. Wisdom never does. Wisdom is empowering, fear is a bondage that hold me back.

Actually, now that I'm writing this, I don't think fear protects us from anything. It keeps us in a state of agitation, stress, nervousness, or even panicky. The more fear I experience, the more I shut down.

Wisdom is something that builds on itself in a positive way. It opens doors.

I think that's true even for God. I used to fear him. Maybe I still do, because He is still largely unknown. All I really know about him is that he loves. But the deeper I press in, the more he loves, and shows me he accepts me. If I fear him, fear punishment, I just want to run.

I think in a healthy family relationship, with a healthy dad, we can understand who God is a little more. Dads are suppose to love their little girls. Their daughters are their princesses. Daddy's love their little girls in a way that enables the daughters to be who they really are. They protect them, encourage them, listen to them, and are proud of them. I've been blessed to see my husband be a wonderful dad.

It's not what I experienced from a father. But I don't want fear to connect the memories of past pain to inhibit me from knowing love now.  I can exercise some wisdom now instead.

Ahh my blog is more of a wandering through my thoughts..... Hope your thoughts are good today! have a great week-
CeeCee