All I can say is, you aren't alone.
I can easily imagine people saying, "Where was God when this happened?" I don't have an answer for that. All I have is my story, what's happened to me and what I've experienced.
Since I've turned 17 it's been a fight to be healed, to live a normal life, to get over the pain and effects of what happened. I may always carry the scars on me. Even physically, I have a burn scar and my jaw isn't normal. Emotionally, I still have to fight fear.
But, I've seen enough beauty from my ashes to expect to see more beauty. I know it can feel like the tide will never turn, but it is. Sometimes it's hard to tell just when the ocean tide begins to recede. You can stand on the beach and wonder, is the tide going in or out? Sometimes it's slow.
I can't say it enough... YOU are a blessing. I'm glad you're here.
God loves you. You are unique. He has a plan to bring you hope and a future.
I know my posts might not be very helpful, but they are from my heart. I'm not a professional, and can't give any advice that way. Here are a few other resources I've found. You are worth the fight for happiness.
United States Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)Deaf hotline - 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) - 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)af hotline - 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)