My Book- Ghost No More- Thank you so much!

Hi everyone. *sets out a plate of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies*  :) I know it's been a while! This last month has felt a bit like treading water for me. Lots of good and some confusion.

Writing my hubby's book really helped me put some distance between me and my past that I didn't realize I needed.  After having to pull all of those memories out of me I guess I was kind of stuck with them.  But even that was good, because some how writing them out diffused the pain.

I wrote the book to help other people, but now I can see how much it's helped me. If you've ever thought about writing out your past, I encourage you to do it, if this is the right time and season. :)  There's no rush, if this isn't the right season.

I remember being scared to write Ghost No More out because I felt like I wasn't being forgiving. But finally I realized, it's just the truth, as best as I can tell it, not a blame game.

I was scared to face the trauma, from one end to the other. It was so difficult to write out. Of course, I'd shared bits and pieces with my friends through the years, but not all at once, not like this. Even when I shared with my friends, somehow I distanced myself from it, almost as if I were talking about someone else.

I was scared to feel the memories.

I was also scared to have it on my computer, in case my kids should for some reason stumble upon it.

My last fear stemmed from: "Don't tell anyone the family secret." I am a grown woman, and I had No idea how deeply rooted that rule was inside of me until the week before I published.  Huge shame and fear hit me. 
Most authors are happy when they publish.

I cried.

But now, blessed freedom!

So now I am wondering what I should do next. Just sort of spinning my wheels, thinking, and praying. Oh, and quilting. LOL I am sewing a quilt that I have thus far feel like I've sewn twice because of all the seams I've had to rip out.

Just want to say thank you for reading this journal, and sharing with me this part of my journey. I hope all is good in your world, and you are continuing to see beauty from your ashes.

((((((((((((((((big hugs to anyone who needs one)))))))))))))))))
~CeeCee

Ahh time is going fast and my blog has been neglected Where have I been? I've been editing like crazy! I am super excited because book 2 should be released within the next few days.

AHHHHHH!

This one is called Lost No More, and it's super special to me, because this one is from my husband's point of view, and his journey.

A lot of relationships and marriages today are made from two broken people, and what they've overcome, or are trying to overcome.  Relationships aren't easy, and it's not just because we are 2 different people. A lot of us, maybe most of us have old tapes, old words that get hit in our new relationships. It takes time to sort that all out.

One thing that I remind myself when fighting with my spouse is that he isn't my enemy. I'll even tell him that out loud, to remind the both of us-lol.

Since I'm already rabbit trailing, here is my other best marriage tool: Do-overs.  Sometimes we get into fights and I have no idea how we ended up where we are. Rather than try to sort it out and work it through, one of us will just call for a Do-over. It really helps.

Lost No More isn't about marriage, but about a journey one boy took to find truth. I'm going to have it on sale the first week it's out to thank all of my readers who've been such a great support to me!

Thanks for reading my messy blog, and have a great day!

Why I do what I do

Have you ever been asked that? "Why do you do what you do?"  I recently came across the question, "why do you write?" I felt the question reach right inside of me. Why do I write, why do I blog? The answer flew off my finger tips without any hesitation. 

I write because I have something inside that builds up pressure until it busts out. I write because I know what it feels like not to have hope; no matter how differently we all believe- I want to connect, validate and encourage people. I write because I have been swallowed by pain, confusion, and fear, and I don't want anyone in that place to stand alone. I write because I don't have a magic wand to make anyone feel better, I just have my story.

I write because for so long I was told it was just me, my fault, if only I could be better, or change, or different, then someone would love me. Those "if only's..." ruled me, and I tried so hard to live by them. I know the failure of failed relationships no matter how hard I tried to be different.

I write to remind everyone who reads my words..... You aren't what someone has ever said about you that's negative. You aren't going around and around the mountain with no hope of change. You are worth love.

So I'll keep writing, even if after a while my words sound like a broken record. I can't say it enough. You are amazing, you are needed, you are meant to be alive at this moment, time, and place. 

(((((((((((((((((big hug to those who need it))))))))))))))))))
Hope you have a great day!

Victories

Hi everyone! Are you enjoying the summer? I'm loving it so far.... as long as I have a fan nearby. haha. For the first time ever I have blueberries on the bush outside. The bad news is that the birds have discovered it too. There was the fattest robin I'd ever seen picking berries off!

Did you all have a good fourth of July? My husband, kids, and I went to a local park and watched the neighborhoods all around us shoot them off. I have a love/hate thing about fireworks. They are beautiful, but I've spent many years stressing and worrying about my kids getting hurt. I've had to deal with burns,  and things landing in their eyes. That's where the hate part comes in. And every year the kids want it bigger and better.

Plus, the penny pincher in me thinks, wow, you could buy a car with the money all these fireworks cost.

I think that makes me a scrooge. But I really do think they are beautiful.

It also makes me thankful that I can enjoy the holiday with my kids. In all the hustle and bustle and pressure of "make sure you get it right," it's easy to overlook the victories. My victory is my relationship with my kids. It might look messy at times, but my kids know I love and value them. I feel so thankful for that.

So today, I want to challenge you to find your victories. You have them. They might  not look like anyone elses. But take a second and acknowledge them. Life is so quick to throw at us where we fail, and where we can do better. It will hardly ever throw at you what you've done right. You have to do that for yourself.

"Love others as you love yourself."

The "Love other's" part is the part that tells us where we can do better, do more, didn't get it right.

The "love ourself" part is the part I forget about. I forget to be kind to myself, and how I think about myself.  But, I noticed the kinder I am to myself, it overflows in to my daily attitude about life in general.

Thanks for reading my daily ramblings. It helps me to write it out. I'm going to spend the day looking at my victories, big or small.  Have a good day!

New Book

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Do you have plans? Mine are pretty simple this year. We are going to watch the town's firework display from the back hatch of the car. Maybe I'll buy a sparkler. LOL

In other news, I've been writing like crazy and my sequel is going great. It's going through editing right now. Editing can be a bear, but there is a tentative date to publish in August! Wooohoooo! I am really excited about this one. Hope you all like it!

To break up my writing (aka sitting all day) I thought I'd clean the carpet.  Our cleaner recently broke, so I decided to use this powder you scrub in the carpet. OH MY gosh..... It took 2 hours to scrub the carpet. By the time I vacuumed I hardly cared any more if it was clean or not.

It turned out okay.... I don't recommend it.

Well, that's my  news for today. Have a safe Independence Day!

Some Phone Number Resources

Today I am sad. I was reading a forum filled with story after story of adults still suffering from the effects of abuse. It breaks my heart to hear how much long-term pain is caused by someone else's choice. I wish I had answers, or a magic wand to take the pain away.

All I can say is, you aren't alone.

I can easily imagine people saying, "Where was God when this happened?" I don't have an answer for that.  All I have is my story, what's happened to me and what I've experienced.

Since I've turned 17 it's been a fight to be healed, to live a normal life, to get over the pain and effects of what happened. I may always carry the scars on me. Even physically, I have a burn scar and my jaw isn't normal. Emotionally, I still have to fight fear.

But, I've seen enough beauty from my ashes to expect to see more beauty.  I know it can feel like the tide will never turn, but it is. Sometimes it's hard to tell just when the ocean tide begins to recede. You can stand on the beach and wonder, is the tide going in or out? Sometimes it's slow.

I can't say it enough... YOU are a blessing. I'm glad you're here.

God loves you. You are unique. He has a plan to bring you hope and a future.

I know my posts might not be very helpful, but they are from my heart. I'm not a professional, and can't give any advice that way. Here are a few other resources I've found. You are worth the fight for happiness.

United States Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

 

Deaf hotline - 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) - 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)af hotline - 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

Shout-Out to one of my favorite books!

Hey, Happy Friday! Hope you all have a relaxing weekend coming up!

I was talking with a young man today about some discouragement he is going through. It reminded me of how many people struggle with feeling condemned. That crappy feeling makes us feel we will never "get there." "Why would God love me anyway? I don't do anything right?"

So, without further ado, here is one of my favorite books. It's called He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not 

http://www.amazon.com/He-Loves-Me-Learning-Affection-ebook/dp/B001FB20S8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403286226&sr=1-1&keywords=he+loves+me+he+loves+me+not

I really appreciated this book. It reminded me that I'm not alone in the way I feel. People all around me are struggling with the same stuff, even if they don't show it.  We all mess up. Every single day. It's part of being human.

This book talks about the cycle condemnation puts us through. One minute everything is good in life, God loves us, we are doing ok... and the next, Bam! We feel like we failed, we did something that is unfixable, or we ruined something.

If you feel like this, ((((((((((((((((((Big hug))))))))))))))))))))) You aren't alone. God loves you so much. He has a plan to bring beauty even out of this. It's going to work out. You're going to be okay.

Check out the book! I think you can read a good sample right on your computer if you click the cover. Have a good weekend!