So, it's been a week since I've been published (check it out, Ghost No More), and I am feeling a little better. I was freaking out after the book came out, completely caught by the feelings of "Don't talk about the abuse." I wanted to run and hide.
I can't say I am all the way to feeling comfortable yet. Definitely a weird place to be in, but my hope is that by telling, other people will feel validated where they are, and can get healing too.
I had a dream last night about one of the houses I lived in as a child. Everything was how I remembered it as a child, but I was an adult now, walking down the street and looking in. I wasn't afraid anymore. When I woke up I felt relief.
If anyone reading this has bought it, thank you for supporting me. Thanks for reading my blog. It means a lot to me!
((((((((((big hug for those who need it))))))))))))))))) Have a good day. Hang in there. If you have to, just take it one minute at a time. Things do change.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Wow, it's been a crazy week! As things calm down for me I am enjoying hearing the feedback. One reader told me about some of their family problems. I was reminded that family estrangement isn't always between parent and child, but sometimes between siblings.
And it hurts.
I wish I knew how to help with that. In my own experiences I've learned that the estrangement/problem isn't a choice of mine. The situation is a result of their choice. And there is nothing I can do to fix it. We are held, in some ways, at the mercy of their choices, but we are the ones grieving the loss.
It may never feel "okay," inside of us, even as we have to move on. It's important to acknowledge our feelings, and our loss. And to make sure we aren't feeling guilty.
It's important to let them take ownership of their own choices.
There is beauty that can come from these ashes. It might not be a lot, but it will show itself at some point.
(((((((((((big hug to those who need it)))))))))))))))))))))
And it hurts.
I wish I knew how to help with that. In my own experiences I've learned that the estrangement/problem isn't a choice of mine. The situation is a result of their choice. And there is nothing I can do to fix it. We are held, in some ways, at the mercy of their choices, but we are the ones grieving the loss.
It may never feel "okay," inside of us, even as we have to move on. It's important to acknowledge our feelings, and our loss. And to make sure we aren't feeling guilty.
It's important to let them take ownership of their own choices.
There is beauty that can come from these ashes. It might not be a lot, but it will show itself at some point.
(((((((((((big hug to those who need it)))))))))))))))))))))
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Today I am so thankful. There are times when you can see that you got where you are because of the support and kindness of others. Today is one of those days for me.
I don't have a magic wand to make someone else feel better the way that I wish I could- but please accept my support through this blog if you need it. :)
I don't know how to make it be a permanent feature, but December 30th's post is kind of my mission statement for this blog. When it comes to computers, I feel like I have two left thumbs. (Is that a saying? If not, I just made it up)
Have a good day. :)
I don't have a magic wand to make someone else feel better the way that I wish I could- but please accept my support through this blog if you need it. :)
I don't know how to make it be a permanent feature, but December 30th's post is kind of my mission statement for this blog. When it comes to computers, I feel like I have two left thumbs. (Is that a saying? If not, I just made it up)
Have a good day. :)
Monday, February 17, 2014
Today I wanted to share with you some encouraging quotes-
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom
"The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth." Albert Einstein
“We meet no ordinary people in our lives.” C.S. Lewis
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.” William W. Purkey
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom
"The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth." Albert Einstein
“We meet no ordinary people in our lives.” C.S. Lewis
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.” William W. Purkey
"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. "
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” C.S. Lewis
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” C.S. Lewis
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde
“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa
“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.” Mother Teresa
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.” Mother Teresa
“Not all those who wander are lost;" J.R.R. Tolkien
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” Bernaud M. Baruch
“… fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” God; Isaiah 41:10
Hope you all have a great week!! *big hug to those who need one*
Hope you all have a great week!! *big hug to those who need one*
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/corrietenb135203.html#hrSv58FiH2Y2Ad77.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/corrietenb135203.html#hrSv58FiH2Y2Ad77.99
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/corrietenb135203.html#hrSv58FiH2Y2Ad77.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/corrietenb135203.html#hrSv58FiH2Y2Ad77.99
Saturday, February 15, 2014
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
This quote that Jesus said was what drew me the most. There is a lot of politics with Christianity- a lot of rules that people say we have to follow. As a girl, I was trained to follow rules, so that was nothing new. But these words were new. I knew I was burdened, I knew I was weary, and I also knew I didn't know how to make it better.
I needed rest.
Sometimes people say, "Go to God just as you are." But they make it sound like, prepare for the work.
What I have found is that I didn't know what love was. I only experienced parental love, so it was natural to put my experiences on another parental figure. They weren't good expectations.
He didn't say anything in that sentence about change. What he says there is that he understands the heart of us. He knows what makes us act and react the way we are. He looks at us and he sees a million hurts, a million misunderstandings we've endured. He sees how we've tried to be a good person, how we were rejected, or where we felt we succeeded. He sees the areas we feel like failures.
He knows we are tired.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
I couldn't offer anything. I was too tired to think about trying to be good, and the failing again. But somehow coming to him was enough. I came with doubts, anger, frustration, broken heart, disillusionment, fear..... my burdens.
It was okay. He wasn't ever mad at me. And, in time I saw that he didn't love me despite my failings. He loves me because I'm me.
(((((((((((((((big hugs to those who need it )))))))))))))))))))))))
This quote that Jesus said was what drew me the most. There is a lot of politics with Christianity- a lot of rules that people say we have to follow. As a girl, I was trained to follow rules, so that was nothing new. But these words were new. I knew I was burdened, I knew I was weary, and I also knew I didn't know how to make it better.
I needed rest.
Sometimes people say, "Go to God just as you are." But they make it sound like, prepare for the work.
What I have found is that I didn't know what love was. I only experienced parental love, so it was natural to put my experiences on another parental figure. They weren't good expectations.
He didn't say anything in that sentence about change. What he says there is that he understands the heart of us. He knows what makes us act and react the way we are. He looks at us and he sees a million hurts, a million misunderstandings we've endured. He sees how we've tried to be a good person, how we were rejected, or where we felt we succeeded. He sees the areas we feel like failures.
He knows we are tired.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
I couldn't offer anything. I was too tired to think about trying to be good, and the failing again. But somehow coming to him was enough. I came with doubts, anger, frustration, broken heart, disillusionment, fear..... my burdens.
It was okay. He wasn't ever mad at me. And, in time I saw that he didn't love me despite my failings. He loves me because I'm me.
(((((((((((((((big hugs to those who need it )))))))))))))))))))))))
Friday, February 14, 2014
Happy Valentines Day-
I think you are wonderful!!!!
I can see the views I get on my blog- and you've made an impact on me.
((((((((((((((((((((((Big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))
@------>----------->-----------------
rose for you :)
Too bad I can't give chocolates *virtual chocolates for everyone*
and bacon. :) bacon makes everything taste better.
except toothpaste (yes I've seen bacon flavored toothpaste, disturbing)
Thank you for reading this blog, from the bottom of my heart.
You are a blessing to me.
I think you are wonderful!!!!
I can see the views I get on my blog- and you've made an impact on me.
((((((((((((((((((((((Big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))
@------>----------->-----------------
rose for you :)
Too bad I can't give chocolates *virtual chocolates for everyone*
and bacon. :) bacon makes everything taste better.
except toothpaste (yes I've seen bacon flavored toothpaste, disturbing)
Thank you for reading this blog, from the bottom of my heart.
You are a blessing to me.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Today I have something on my heart- and I think it's for someone who is reading this... I'm including the link, and I'll search for the lyrics incase you can't get the link to work. :)
It's true :) :) I hope that's the link
It's true :) :) I hope that's the link
Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Praying that you'd have the heart to fight
'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
They are nothing in the shadow of the cross
'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
They are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
Songwriters
PAGE, STEVEN / ROBERTSON, ED
PAGE, STEVEN / ROBERTSON, ED
Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., EMI Music Publishing
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., EMI Music Publishing
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Good morning!
So I am at the tale end of writing my memoir, and I lost it the other night, completely taking my husband off guard. It took me a while to figure out what the problem was..... and it was that I was "telling." WOW, that fear went deep. Here I am living this life where I have been restored and healed of so much, but I didn't realize I was still carrying that inside of me.
Don't tell- that fear controlled my life as a child. You just don't tell. Somehow keeping the secret was also attached to loyalty. I loved my mom, I wouldn't tell on her.
Maybe the loyalty feeling was the way I spun "don't tell" into something positive. Because, as I sit here and think of myself as a little girl and "telling," my heart beat speeds up. The real fear and power behind "don't tell" was that it would make things so much worse.
so much worse.
So here I am, fully an adult, and facing this for the first time. Not loving it. But God got me this far, he will get me through this too somehow.
(((((((((((big hug to those who need it)))))))))))))))
So I am at the tale end of writing my memoir, and I lost it the other night, completely taking my husband off guard. It took me a while to figure out what the problem was..... and it was that I was "telling." WOW, that fear went deep. Here I am living this life where I have been restored and healed of so much, but I didn't realize I was still carrying that inside of me.
Don't tell- that fear controlled my life as a child. You just don't tell. Somehow keeping the secret was also attached to loyalty. I loved my mom, I wouldn't tell on her.
Maybe the loyalty feeling was the way I spun "don't tell" into something positive. Because, as I sit here and think of myself as a little girl and "telling," my heart beat speeds up. The real fear and power behind "don't tell" was that it would make things so much worse.
so much worse.
So here I am, fully an adult, and facing this for the first time. Not loving it. But God got me this far, he will get me through this too somehow.
(((((((((((big hug to those who need it)))))))))))))))
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Good morning! This is just a quick post as we are all gearing up for a new week. Sometimes looking at the whole week can be overwhelming, so just take it one day at a time. And make sure each day you take a moment to appreciate something good about yourself. (yes sappiness is sneaking in). Sometimes that internal voice gets too much attention, and we need to remind ourselves- "Heck yes I did it! It might look messy, but I did what I needed to do."
((((((((((Big hug for those who need it today)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((Big hug for those who need it today)))))))))))))))))
Thursday, February 6, 2014
My pellet stove is cranked and I have a fire burning in the fireplace. Its 64 degees in my house. BRRRR! Are you snowed in where you're at?
I read about a blog the other day that has a bucket list... it's all things to do for other people. Isn't that cool? So the bucket list had things like, pay for someone's coffee, meal, give someone a flower.
Every now and then on facebook someone will talk about how the person in front of them paid for their coffee in the drive-thru. It really makes an effect.
I think we forget the positive effect we have on other people. We can get so down on ourselves. If we are going through a hard time we think we must be burdening other people. The truth is we like helping other people, so if you are in a spot where you need a listening ear or encouragement or other help, people do like giving it to you!
In the same way, the smile we give to each other, the listening ear we give, it all means something. It shows we see value in the other person.
Is value a weird word? I use it because there are so many things in this life that like to pound us that we have no value (not skinny enough, not smart enough, don't look like everyone else).
I'm using my sappy moment this week to say You have value. You are a blessing and I'm glad you're here. :D
(ps you know I mean it. I don't say things I don't mean :) )
I read about a blog the other day that has a bucket list... it's all things to do for other people. Isn't that cool? So the bucket list had things like, pay for someone's coffee, meal, give someone a flower.
Every now and then on facebook someone will talk about how the person in front of them paid for their coffee in the drive-thru. It really makes an effect.
I think we forget the positive effect we have on other people. We can get so down on ourselves. If we are going through a hard time we think we must be burdening other people. The truth is we like helping other people, so if you are in a spot where you need a listening ear or encouragement or other help, people do like giving it to you!
In the same way, the smile we give to each other, the listening ear we give, it all means something. It shows we see value in the other person.
Is value a weird word? I use it because there are so many things in this life that like to pound us that we have no value (not skinny enough, not smart enough, don't look like everyone else).
I'm using my sappy moment this week to say You have value. You are a blessing and I'm glad you're here. :D
(ps you know I mean it. I don't say things I don't mean :) )
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Ahhh what a great weekend. Did you watch the Super Bowl? I loved it, but I realize not everyone did. What am I going to do with my Sundays now?
In the meantime, I've gotten my cover for my book and am waiting on the editor. YAAY! I started to read a new book myself, Snow Child. Has anyone else read it? I kind of stumbled through the scene where she wanted to die.... hard stuff to read.
It reminded me of how often people feel unheard, or like nobody cares. Or maybe no one understands. It's a very lonely time. If you feel that way, ((((((((((big hug))))))))))) You know by now I believe in God, and I know he cares about you. I mean, like a lot!
I've been through the crap of life to understand how trite those words sound (he cares about me? where is he now?) I can't answer why things happen, but I know he loves you. He really is right there. And it's okay to be honest with him. I've yelled, cried, told him all sorts of things... and he still cares.
Can I leave you with these thoughts?
(Isaiah 41:10) I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;
(Isaiah 41:13) For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
(Hebrew 13:5) "Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”
(Romans 8:38-39) . . .For I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor governments nor things now here nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor any other creation will be able to separate us from God’s love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
In the meantime, I've gotten my cover for my book and am waiting on the editor. YAAY! I started to read a new book myself, Snow Child. Has anyone else read it? I kind of stumbled through the scene where she wanted to die.... hard stuff to read.
It reminded me of how often people feel unheard, or like nobody cares. Or maybe no one understands. It's a very lonely time. If you feel that way, ((((((((((big hug))))))))))) You know by now I believe in God, and I know he cares about you. I mean, like a lot!
I've been through the crap of life to understand how trite those words sound (he cares about me? where is he now?) I can't answer why things happen, but I know he loves you. He really is right there. And it's okay to be honest with him. I've yelled, cried, told him all sorts of things... and he still cares.
Can I leave you with these thoughts?
(Isaiah 41:10) I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;
(Isaiah 41:13) For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
(Hebrew 13:5) "Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”
(Romans 8:38-39) . . .For I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor governments nor things now here nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor any other creation will be able to separate us from God’s love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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